Shopping for me is a bit of a hit-and-miss experience. Sometimes when I go, I’ll love everything I try on and I’ll want to buy it all because it makes me look great. It might cinch my waist, elongate my legs or plump my butt: it’ll give the illusion that I have the figure of which I dream.
However, most of the time I go, I leave empty-handed, disappointed and self-conscious.
I’ve never really had much self-confidence, though last year I had managed to build it up substantially. I started exercising, causing me to lose weight and tone up to achieve a figure I was proud of, and I also began to really like who I was as a person. I felt like I was finally starting to love and accept myself for who I was. Even though my future was just as uncertain as it is now, it didn’t matter as I felt full of potential and generally bright and happy.
To cut a long story short, towards the end of last year I stopped exercising (the classes finished and I couldn’t find any local ones) and inevitably I gained a bit of weight and lost some muscle mass. Combine that with the start of my first romantic relationship and I learned a lot about my personality, not all of which was a positive experience.
As of late, I have been feeling incredibly vulnerable in terms of confidence. A few days ago I went shopping to try and find some cotton trousers to wear after swimming or when I’m lounging around the house. Standing in the changing rooms, I was able to see parts of my body that I can’t always see, due to the arrangement of the cubicle mirrors allowing me to have a 360˚ view of myself. It was like I was seeing my bad posture, stomach pouch and cellulite legs for the first time and it filled me with a sense of self-loathing. My confidence was well and truly shattered.
I have wanted to improve my confidence for a long time but it wasn’t until I was in the changing rooms looking at myself from all angles that I decided to actually do something about it, for the sake of my sanity and the quality of my life.
So, I have decided to start this: Project Confidence. It is my journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance that I am hoping will allow me to start enjoying my life to the full and it is that journey that I am going to share with you all.
I will be posting about my progress in achieving internal happiness and also the methods I have used so if you want to join me, check back regularly for more Project Confidence posts.
– Taisie ♥